TBD (To Be Determined)

And now we write… it has been a while.  Of course life has been moving along, and all kinds of things have transpired.  But I had left this blog/diary behind, I’m afraid.  In review of the previous posts, I think it behooves me to get on the keyboard and share what I can to stir someones’ thoughts today.

I have a dear friend that had a breakdown. This happened a couple of years ago, and she is still recovering.  I am sure I don’t know all of the story, or the extent of her struggle.  I just know that I miss her.  Terribly.  I see the shell of the woman I knew, and I know she still cares for me. However, there is a space between us that I’m not quite sure how to cross. This is her journey, not mine. No matter how I believe in her, have desires for her well-being and hope for a return to our previous closeness, it is not up to me.  Definitely not on my timeline! If I had that power, she would have come out of all her challenges within weeks, or days!

I will always be here for her. I cannot replace her friendship. She is such a unique and wonderful person, I am feeling pretty selfish to want her “back at it” for my own sake.  I have given her and her health to God. My faith knows that He is actively involved with her and her healing.  My head (oh yes, so human!) wants to fire up the engines and get this happening.  God knows every detail of her situation, and His timing is always perfect. It can be hard to understand what that timing is about. It isn’t about me… and my desire for her to be “back”. He is gently and carefully walking with her and bringing her into His understanding.

So no matter what, all of our paths are “to be determined” at any given moment.  There is no “right time” that is bolted down and polished for approval.  Over this time of watching and waiting I have been learning to wait upon God.  That doesn’t mean I’m sitting around doing nothing… It means I am resting in His promises. Allowing Him the time to orchestrate the symphony. Creating space for the tapestry to unfold.  For her. For me.  In all ways.

Meanwhile, I take her to coffee every so often.  See her at social gatherings now and then.  Hug her, share my feelings of love for her.  Make sure she knows I’m here for her when the time for her eventual return to wholeness has finally been determined.



About Jean

Jean lives and works in the Great Northern state of Minnesota. Singer, musician, animal lover and spiritual pilgrim, she helps the office run smoothly by day, and trains clients in personal fitness and healthy living every other moment possible. She is the mother of two wonderful adult children, a daughter and son, who are forging their paths and both exercising their artistic talents.
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