Truth be known

Give me your words, Father, that hearts may hear of your love for us.

I wait upon you, Father… my words are your words. I speak, and others hear you. You are with me, always. I am not alone, ever. Your Spirit is within me, and you are in my heart. Bonding with my very DNA. The Life Force that is in me is You.  If the world knew this, there would be no fighting. No worry or doubt. Just to accept the connection, and to live in Christ’s freedom.

Humanity has been conditioned to believe that one must give up something precious to receive something good. BUT, this isn’t true. What is being “given up” are the shackles of pain, doubt, hurt, bad choices with their consequences… all negatives. ALL negatives. Whatever continues as negativity is somehow related to the old man: that which dies when the gift of Jesus’ sacrifice is accepted.  So, this notion of being “born again” is literally spiritually enacted. Make no mistake, the habits of the old man that were embedded there, clamor for attention. They rear their ugly heads giving us as newborns the chance to consciously dispose of them. In other words: Accepting freedom, departing from the old man, we then confess only that which is positive, good, constructive and lovely. We go directly to God, just as Jesus did, to confide in him, dwell in his family, operate as a child of his very own. We turn away from jealousy, anger, depression, doubt, worry, anxiety and anything that would step in-between us and God. We embrace God’s nature: Powerfully walking through our days. Caring, loving, helping, sharing and encouraging all those around us, so that they too can become His child.

This is a departure from the human experience we have owned since birth. This seems foreign to us, who have lived in a world drenched in the lies and depraved effects of the ruler of this world. But this so-called power of the evil one is as dirt under God’s children’s feet. It’s all flash and advertisement of a desperate loser. Jesus defeated evil when he sealed the deal at the cross… even though it appeared he had lost by dying, he fulfilled the actions needed to reconnect all of humanity to God. ALL of us are able to be spiritually seated at the right hand of the Father with Jesus if we accept his gift. No gimmicks, no tricks, no rules set up by any man-made doctrine or theology.  (Remember, gimmicks and tricks and rules are desperate measures to keep you trapped in despair.)

So, God is powerful. He is wise and patient. He is all-knowing, because He made it all. Believe him. Accept that Jesus was his son and that he died and rose again as ruler, and say so. Accept the gift of the Holy Spirit and show this by allowing the words of the Spirit to flow from your own mouth. This enables God to speak through you naturally as his child and to walk powerfully on this earth. Accept the gift of healing for yourself. You can do it. You can become the happiest, best version of you ever. Walk away from your “old man” and pay no attention to that ever again. Embrace God, his love, his gifts and rest in him. Be now Christ on earth, confessing those things that are real and thus they are, by God’s grace.

In every way, go to God. Give him all your needs, and accept his gifts. Live in freedom. Be happy, healthy, and share this with everyone. He deserves your gladness, your praise… because it’s one heck of a plan, don’t you think??

Don’t Hesitate!

I think I need to re-prioritize my life.

My thought is put God first, partner and family second, and friends and work third. There are 8760 hours in a year. Most of us spend 2920 hours a year working.  Spend 500 (or more) hours a year driving, and 2555 hours sleeping.  Then 1643 hours eating, exercising and doing personal care, leaving about 1142 hours of “free time”( if I go by this rough math).  That is the time to relax or do activities that are enjoyable or that help others… yet it feels as though the work hours get the most attention.  The most brain time or conscious-thought-and-consideration time.  Really, the monies gotten for the sake of that preoccupying sacrifice are of relatively little value, ultimately.

How do I shift this focus? How do I honor my God, meet my spiritual needs, value my precious people, and find fulfillment in what I do? There must be balance in life.  Many times, it amazes me that I am fitting so much in to my life.  I must be multi-tasking (Fractionating) at a constant rate.  There is no law stating that I must continue to uphold the previous choices made.  Each day is new, and I can make new choices.  Living linear, in this time-space continuum, progress is often measured by an on-going commitment to finish what has been started. Always building upon those previous choices. However, looking at this objectively I realize changing direction, even ever so slightly, will change my destination.

What I am working out here is: I am ready to change direction. I want something else now; I just don’t know quite what that looks like yet.  There are dreams I haven’t approached yet.  (This will not bode well should I find myself knocking at heaven’s door.) One of the lessons learned in this life is to not hesitate. Step out in faith, and don’t look down. The demands of society and function will continue to expect my check every month. But really, I can always change what is included as my basis of operation.

First things first… Go to God, to discuss and then respond to His influence. Then go to family and ask for their input and ideas. Then reach out to my friends and others for resources. Downsize and discard the old. Begin each day with a new destination in mind. Make different choices (little ones at first, so as not to upset the linear flow). Change is not hard, it is just different.

This is an exciting life, in a beautiful world, among fantastic people and possibilities!

Don’t hesitate!

TBD (To Be Determined)

And now we write… it has been a while.  Of course life has been moving along, and all kinds of things have transpired.  But I had left this blog/diary behind, I’m afraid.  In review of the previous posts, I think it behooves me to get on the keyboard and share what I can to stir someones’ thoughts today.

I have a dear friend that had a breakdown. This happened a couple of years ago, and she is still recovering.  I am sure I don’t know all of the story, or the extent of her struggle.  I just know that I miss her.  Terribly.  I see the shell of the woman I knew, and I know she still cares for me. However, there is a space between us that I’m not quite sure how to cross. This is her journey, not mine. No matter how I believe in her, have desires for her well-being and hope for a return to our previous closeness, it is not up to me.  Definitely not on my timeline! If I had that power, she would have come out of all her challenges within weeks, or days!

I will always be here for her. I cannot replace her friendship. She is such a unique and wonderful person, I am feeling pretty selfish to want her “back at it” for my own sake.  I have given her and her health to God. My faith knows that He is actively involved with her and her healing.  My head (oh yes, so human!) wants to fire up the engines and get this happening.  God knows every detail of her situation, and His timing is always perfect. It can be hard to understand what that timing is about. It isn’t about me… and my desire for her to be “back”. He is gently and carefully walking with her and bringing her into His understanding.

So no matter what, all of our paths are “to be determined” at any given moment.  There is no “right time” that is bolted down and polished for approval.  Over this time of watching and waiting I have been learning to wait upon God.  That doesn’t mean I’m sitting around doing nothing… It means I am resting in His promises. Allowing Him the time to orchestrate the symphony. Creating space for the tapestry to unfold.  For her. For me.  In all ways.

Meanwhile, I take her to coffee every so often.  See her at social gatherings now and then.  Hug her, share my feelings of love for her.  Make sure she knows I’m here for her when the time for her eventual return to wholeness has finally been determined.

 

 

So what then, of your own broken heart?

Someone hurts you. You love them, but they can’t see it for what it truly is.  You are devastated, mourning, in pain.  The kind of pain that no one sees. It abides with you as you nurse your wounds and wallow in the betrayal. You attempt forgiveness. Forgiving them, you think… you hope… so that your ache will subside. You try forgiving yourself for your part in it, whatever that means on that day. But it’s futile. The pain returns to mock you and remind you of the sordid mess in your heart.  It becomes a ritual cycle, and slowly over time becomes a muted tragic story, justifying itself.

So now really, do you understand love? Or does that word represent it’s enemies? Did you ever really learn forgiveness, or is it still just a hollow echo of self righteous preservation?

Stop.

Separate yourself from it for a moment of objectivity.

Love is a choice. It may be shrouded in circumstance, opportunity or emotion; but ultimately it is a decision.  An acceptance to open up and truly give of yourself. To accept the other as they are and to be willing to show your vulnerability with them.  So what then, happens to this pure state? Did love become “un-love”? Or did it really exist between you?

Compassion… the truest form of love, cannot fade or be convoluted into some emotional affair.  It is deeper than empathy: it is unconditional.  A commitment to honestly and fully accept caring for another.  To give anything of yourself, no matter the cost. No matter the outcome. No matter the betrayal.  No matter the rejection.

So what then of your own broken heart?

Turn this compassion upon yourself.  Hello.  You must love yourself.  Expecting to get it from someone else will not heal you. Your acceptance of yourself, unconditionally, will allow healing to begin. You must nurture yourself, as you would want someone to do for you.  This is what is meant when you hear the phrase “God is love”. Compassion is the truest version of love, God’s version, and the only salve that will work.

Then eventually, forgiveness isn’t an issue: it happens naturally.

Here I am, 57 years old. Who would have thought that getting older just seems like every day living?  There’s no “oh my, I’m old” moment.  Just a progression from day to day, like always. To be honest, the only noticeable change is what I think of in relation to a beginning, a middle and an end. The passage of time delegated to me has been sometimes unremarkable, and generally unnoticeable to the grand scheme thus far. At least, That’s what it seemed. Past tense.

Time has allowed me the privilege of review. But since I’ve lived life, survived it, overcame it… day by day, by week, month, and year — I don’t need to review anymore. All I truly have is today. It’s all I’ve ever had: Today. All my today’s are now me, as I am.

Each day that I rise, it’s my life.

Since time has allowed me so many lessons, opportunities, and yes, pain as well; I’m more aware of my choices in the moment.  This is how life is crafted: decisions in the instant of time that I’m living. And no one else has that power but me.

Love the Rain

 

The raindrops always call me… they call me to reflect – to think in deeper terms.  The constant patter of the drops send me in to a place of contemplation.  Thoughts that need thinking come from behind the walls in my mind.

Once out there where I’m confronting these, the rain’s persistent drumming won’t let me turn and go. There we are, my thoughts and I – staring each other down.   But the rhythm gently soothes the anxious tendencies.  My brain slowly relaxes and allows examination.

Revelation rarely happens – sometimes, epiphanies.  No matter, as all is well once these thoughts have gotten spilled.  The rain is still there to lull me into slumber and I’m dreaming.

Love the Rain.